To quote a Reddit post I read; "I can’t really express it in words but I love being and experiencing sadness. I always lived in my head, whenever I’m sad I feel real, like I’m not living in a delusion anymore. I feel the air around me, the ground beneath, the world around me feels real. It’s like being sad makes me happy. Idk how to explain. Wondering if anyone else out there feels this?" All my life I've been dissociated from reality, disconnected. I remember in school at a young age I looked at a chart of emotions. The one that stuck out to me was "alienated". I didn't understand why at the time, it was something I was connected to but didn't understand how or why. I often tell people this "if it doesn't make sense now, it will later". Now that I'm older I understand now, I understood my whole life even back at that early age, I just can now identify it better now. Sometimes, just like the Reddit poster, I too can feel the surrounding air, the world seems real. It doesn't last long, sometimes mere seconds but it's like that feeling when you forget something and you're so close to figuring it out, but I've never figured it out. I think perhaps reality is really simple in nature, that it is just absurd, a chaotic creation, with chaotic creatures trying to figure it out. I have a theory about life. You ever stop and look at the birds for a second? Observe and notice how they're always in a flow state, just like water. It never ends, there is no hesitation, they just flow continuously until death. They form relationships, families, build homes, scavenge for food and then just die. Some are prey and some are predators. Every animal is like this, it's very simple. However the human race is the one animal that is so advanced with their consciousness, the most intelligent species on the planet, so much so our brains are so advance with problem solving we create our own problems to solve. Ironic, isn't it? I've never seen any other animal blind itself with destruction but us. That's why I don't subscribe to emotions all that much, they are infinitely complex and when you think you're "sad" or "happy" it's just a vague umbrella term but when you go chasing your feelings to figure out the details, your emotions have already shape shifted into something different. You're always chasing clouds, literally every human chases clouds all their lives. Animals however? They don't even stop to think about any of this shit, they just do what they do and then die. There's no spirituality, no religion, no politics, no opinions. Anything that is subjective (which is everything in life) poses no care to animals expect us. The only thing positive I have with human emotions is that it can help us channel into our primitive nature. Let's take anger, you get to a certain stage with anger that it blinds every subjective thought, opinion or belief. Now like I previously mentioned we destruct ourselves with emotions but in a case like this it actually brings out our true nature, the real freeing raw self we lock inside. "Oh I didn't mean what I said when I was furious", you sure about that? Otherwise, you wouldn't have said it, you just suppressed your real self all this time. Now this also applies with every other emotion, we just suppress the real parts about ourselves because it's not beautiful or "perfect" to our society. It's not pretty, it's disgusting, animistic and barbaric at times. You think the bird doesn't have any emotion when it fucks another bird to have a baby, that it doesn't get some sort of pleasure? Of course, it does but it doesn't sit all day lingering and complicating about it. Now you could argue that it doesn't have the capability, and that's the problem with us humans, we have this capability. I don't know why we have such an advance consciousness, nobody does. And despite all that I've written, it's still subjective, it is neither correct nor incorrect. And what I wrote is all hypocritical, I talk about emotions blinding us, and yet I wrote all this to vent my... you got it! My emotions. We are all silly confused hypocritical creatures living in a silly confusing hypocritical world trying to figure it out, but the animals? I think there's a underlying truth about life in their approach towards it. Oh, how I wish I was a bird sometimes... |